Murder Mystery Madness (A Seiyuu Story)
by ShinAyasaki
Summary: Who killed Aiai?


**Source / Reference: Youtube, search for "Uraraji 137 culprit Furirin", by GoldSubs**

* * *

It was an ordinary day for the seiyuu of Aqours, all of them relaxing in the dressing room before another recording session. Anju and Shuka were teasing Rikako over another display of her unique artistic skills, Suwawa and Ainya were clinging to each other, Arisa and Aikyan were playing games on their phones, and Aiai and King were helping each other with their makeup.

"Hey, Kin-chan, what do you have in your bag?" asked Aiai.

The taller girl retrieved a large bottle. "My parents recently bought a vineyard and they let me have a bottle of wine to share with all of you!" The others let out sounds of appreciation and awe. "But not until the day is over," she said. "Until then, I'll leave this somewhere safe. Like in my game recording booth."

"Good idea," said Aiai. "I'll just be over here..."

Just then, Anju clapped her hands. "Alright everyone. It's time to make our characters come to life. Let's get recording!"

Several hours later, the girls returned one by one to the dressing room to finish their business before going home. Conversation filled the air, and between the words flying around and the fatigue from their workday, none of them noticed that one of their number was missing.

Suddenly, the lights went out.

Hidden beneath the exclamations of shock and mutterings of uncertainty was a dull thump as something hit the floor.

When the lights came back on, all eyes were drawn to the still form of Aiai, collapsed on the ground.

.

"Who would do such a thing?!" cried Ainya.

"I think it's obvious," said a voice. Everyone turned as Suwawa emerged from behind a wallscreen dressed in a traditional detective's outfit, complete with a comically oversized magnifying glass in hand. "The culprit can only be one of us!" declared Suwawa dramatically.

Everyone who was still alive gasped theatrically.

"But wait a sec," interjected Shuka, "Why does it have to be one of us? It could also be Hina-Hina, Asamin, one of the Muse or PDP seiyuu, anyone on the staff, or the producer who laughs during every one of our Niconamas."

"Oi, Shuka! Stop bringing in unnecessary characters!" scolded the detective. "People clicked on this story to read about us, not them!"

"What does that even mean?"

"Now then," continued Suwawa, completely ignoring Shuka, "It's time to question all of you and record your alibis... if you have one! But first I need an assistant. Preferably a shorter, eager, excitable girl who fits easily into my arms."

"Oh! Oh! Can I be your assistant?" asked Ainya, waving her hand to attract Suwawa's attention.

"Of course you can, Ainya. Give me a hug."

"Yay!" cheered the shorter seiyuu as she ran into Suwawa's open arms.

"Not to doubt your detective skills or anything, but shouldn't we call for the police?" suggested Shuka reasonably.

"Shuka, what did we say about bringing in unnecessary characters?" chided Rikako.

"Well can we at least introduce some kind of story element to justify that plot hole? It's really hard for me to believe the premise of this scenario otherwise."

"Yes! I'll call upon a mighty storm to descend upon us!" declared Aikyan, holding up a piece of chalk to create a ritual circle with.

"Please don't," begged Anju, "I don't like storms."

Aikyan frowned. "Fine..." she said dejectedly. "I'll just... be over here." She knelt beside Aiai's body and began drawing a chalk outline. Of course she gave her an unnecessary pair of devil wings.

Meanwhile, Suwawa had finally recharged her Ainya meter and released the smaller girl from her embrace.

"Okay!" declared Ainya in english. " _Let's! Investigate!_ "

.

The first suspect to interrogate was Arisha.

"Alright Arisa. Tell us the truth. Did you kill Aiai?"

Arisha gave the detective and her assistant a cold stare. "...I did not do it," she intoned with finality.

Gulping nervously, Ainya quickly ran and hid behind Suwawa, the detective and the suspect staring each other down.

Eventually, one of them broke.

"...alright then," mumbled Suwawa as she walked away.

.

The second suspect to interrogate was Shuka.

"So... when did you last see the victim?" asked Suwawa.

"Eh? I don't know... Oh, but I have an alibi." Shuka pulled out her phone. "I've been live tweeting for the past couple hours so I couldn't have done it."

"How do you know the murder happened in the past couple hours?" challenged Suwawa.

"Rigor mortis hasn't set in yet," answered Shuka logically. "Therefore, the crime must have happened within the past two hours."

Suwawa and Ainya exchanged a glance.

"...you _did_ inspect the body, didn't you?" asked Shuka pointedly.

The silence was answer enough.

"...alright you're free to go."

.

The members of Aqours stood over Aiai's body, now decorated with various ink markings all over her face. Suwawa, Rikako, and Arisa looked rather annoyed with Anju and Aikyan as they giggled behind their magic markers.

"So what do we do?" asked Ainya as she readied her assistant's notepad.

"An excellent question!" praised Suwawa. "First! We... we... um... huh."

Beside her, Shuka sighed and knelt down to get a better look. "Let's see... Hmm... The cause of death looks like blunt force trauma. Maybe... she was kicked?"

"For Aiai to die with a single kick..." Suddenly, Suwawa gasped. "Arisa! It's you!"

"Hmm? What are you saying now?" asked Arisha nonchalantly.

"It has to be you! With all your work on Go-Busters, only you could successfully kill someone with a single kick!" accused the detective.

"You're being ridiculous," asserted Arisha flatly. "I've already told you I didn't do it."

"Well who else could possibly have done it?"

Just then, the last member of Aqours made her appearance as King came out of her private game recording studio.

"Hello everyone~! It's AZALEA!" she slurred, stumbling toward the crime scene.

Everyone suddenly remembered about that bottle of wine she'd intended to share with them.

"...Has she been drinking?" asked Anju in concern.

"I think the shock of losing Aiai was too much for her," observed Shuka.

"How's everyone doing?" asked the inebriated idol, "Good I hope? Shuka? Aikyan? Aiai?"

Then her foot hit Aiai's leg.

"Oh no! Not Aiai!" wailed King dramatically as she fell to her knees. "She was so small! And so nice to hug! Oh why would anyone do this to my soft, smol, huggable Aiai?!"

A small groan sounded from below as the victim stirred. "Wait, no, hold on. I'm not dead. I just- MMPH!"

"Yes you are!" cried King as she smothered Aiai's mouth with a hand, "You're dead and I'm really really sad!"

"Hey, King! What are you doing?!" exclaimed Shuka as Aiai struggled to escape the taller girl's grip. She moved to intervene when a hand fell on her shoulder.

"Shuka... there's nothing we can do for her," said Anju solemnly. Everyone else nodded.

"What the heck is wrong with everyone?!"

"Wait a minute!" exclaimed Ainya, attracting everyone's attention. "Anchan also did karate when she was younger. Couldn't she have done it?"

The Aqours girls (minus King, who was still wrestling with a very much alive Aiai) all turned to Anju. She blinked. "...eh?"

"Hmm... the pattern of bruises is certainly consistent with a roundhouse kick, which is Anchan's specialty..." mused Suwawa.

"You're wrong, it's definitely not Anju!" defended Shuka as she clung to her leader. "Tell them Anju!"

"I wish I could, but... that would be a lie," she admitted.

Everyone gasped at this shocking revelation.

"So it seems we have our murderer," concluded Suwawa.

"No way... no way...! Anju I know you, and you wouldn't do this!" cried Shuka.

"Shuka, I..." And then Anju collapsed, falling face forward into Shuka's arms as she passed out.

"ANJU!"

The lights began to flicker and a cold wind started blowing through the room. The gale was so strong, it was all the girls could do to keep their skirts from flying up. A sinister laugh filled the air as a spotlight fell upon the true mastermind of Aiai's fate, one that could only be arranged by a fallen angel.

"Ku ku ku... You expected the culprit to be Anju, but it was me! Dio! I mean Aikyan!" The mastermind covered her face in embarrassment. "...c-can we go back and redo that? Please?"

Feeling a pang of sympathy for the fallen angel, everyone agreed.

"Thanks... ahem. Ku ku ku... You expected the culprit to be Anju, but it was me! Aikyan!"

The detective narrowed her eyes at the mastermind as Ainya clung to her arm. "Aikyan... How could you? I expected this from Arisa, but you?"

"I'm right here you know," deadpanned Arisa.

"Indeed! And now to make my incredibly long-winded and megalomaniacal monologue where I explain my brilliant scheme of using dark magic to control Anchan into offing Aiai, and my goals for having done so!" she enthused.

She opened her mouth to begin, but was cut off abruptly when someone threw a roundhouse kick to her back. Aikyan crumpled to the ground to reveal none other than Arisa, somehow having found the time to dress up in her Go-Buster Yellow costume.

Towering over the fallen angel, she prepared to seal Aikyan's fate. "Buu buu desu wa."

And everything faded to black.

 **~THE END~**

 **~...?~**

.

.

.

 **OMAKE:**

When the drama was over, Anju looked at Aiai disapprovingly. "Why did you get up during the middle of filming?! You almost ruined the whole movie!"

Aiai was rather annoyed herself. "Why didn't you tell me you were going to kick me?! And no one told me we were filming a murder mystery! How am I supposed to go along with something I'm not even aware of?! It's like that time you- KYAAA!"

Aiai was suddenly scooped up and thrown over King's shoulder, the taller seiyuu still very much inebriated.

"Excuse us," she said as she carried Aiai to her trailer.

Anju sent Aikyan a stern look. "...Didn't you tell her we were making this movie?"

"I wanted it to be a surprise. Eheh~!"

Anju and Arisa glared at her.

Then as one, they chorused, "Hold still. You need another kick."

"Eh?! Wait-wait-wait-wait-wait! Both of you at once?! That will really hurt, that will _really_ hurt! Please don't do this! AHHH!"

.

 **OMAKE:**

"Shuka, you were really amazing!" praised Ainya. "Why weren't you chosen to be the detective?"

"There was only one magnifying glass," replied Shuka. "Besides, it's not really my character."

"Still, you were very impressive. How did you know about all that detective stuff anyway?" asked Suwawa.

Shuka shrugged. "I picked up a thing or two when I was honorary police chief of Numazu for a day."

Suwawa and Ainya looked at her in shock. "You were honorary chief for half an hour!"

"I'm a fast learner."

.

 **OMAKE:**

"Can I have some impact in the omake?" asked Rikako. "Please?"

Silence.

"...okay." She sighed. "At least I still have my elephant." Behind her, the misshapen elephant tooted happily.

"Come on, Prelude, let's go home." And then Rikako took off into the sunset, riding on her magical flying elephant-thing, playing the piano like an epic sir.

* * *

 **AN: I have neither excuse nor explanation for whatever the heck I just wrote. Not that I ever do, of course.  
**

 **But wow. Between three seiyuus and myself, no one knows what to do with Rikako. :P  
**


End file.
